MEMO TO INDIAN STAFF from Microsoft Corp HRD dept

MEMO TO INDIAN STAFF from Microsoft Corp HRD dept.

This one is extremely funny. And what makes it funnier is the fact..
That it is a REAL memo from Microsoft. Every word here is quite intact
and no word has been altered. The following is an ACTUAL internal memo
from the Human Resources Director of Microsoft.


MEMO TO INDIAN STAFF


In view of the large number of Indians working in the USA, UK and many
other countries with White People, it has become important for Human
Resource Directors to issue directives to their Indian staff.


To all Hindi-speaking staff - It has been brought to our attention by
several officials visiting our corporate headquarters that offensive
language is commonly used by our Hindi-speaking staff.
Such behavior, in addition to violating our policy, is highly
unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and colleagues.


Staff will IMMEDIATELY adhere to the following rules:


Words like "CHUTIYA, GANDU" and other such ex-pressions will not be used
for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion.


You will not say "CHUTIYE AKKAL NAHI HAI KYA TEREKO"
when someone makes a mistake, or "MADAR CHOD BHENCHOD" when a major mistake has been made.


All forms derived from the verb "CHOD" are inappropriate in our environment.


No project manager, section head or administrator, under any circumstances, will be referred to as "GADDHA", or "CHUTIYA".


Lack of determination will not be referred to as KAAMCHOR SALA, and
neither will persons who lack initiative be referred to as "AALSI
BHOSADIKAA", or "MADARCHOD".


Unusual or creative ideas from your superiors are not to be referred to as
"F*CK ALL".


Do not say "GAND FADU" if a person is persistent, or if a task is heavy
to accomplish. In a similar way, do not use "GAND FATI NA?", if a
colleague is going through a difficult situation.


Furthermore, you must not say "BHOSADE MEIN GAYA" when matters become complicated.

When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say "CHAL PHUTT".

Do not ever substitute 'May I help you?' with "BOL TERI KAISE GAND
MARUU"?

When things get tough, an acceptable __ex-pression such as 'We are going
through a difficult time' should be used, rather than "MAA CHUDI PADI
HAI" or "GOTI MUH MEIN HAI".

No salary increase shall be ever referred to "KHAIRAAT BATI HAI".

Under no circumstances should you call our elderly corporate partners
"BUDDA GHOOSAT".

Last, but not least, after reading this memo, please do not say
"YE KAGAJ GAND PONCHNE KE LAAYAK BHI NAHI HAI".
Just keep it clean and dispose it off properly.

We hope you will keep these directions in mind.

Sincerely,

Steve Rider - Human Resources Director
Microsoft Corporation Inc.